Dear Mom

Well, what can I say? One thing I can say is that life is one hell of a journey. Many ups and many downs - with lots of fun and wild adventures in between. While growing up with you as a young boy, living with you in KWT, going with you to Pretoria and then settling in East London, you and I have certainly been on some wild adventures together. My life forever moulded, my character forever shaped and my destiny given direction by your love, your influence and your strength during those times.

What can I say? In a word: A LOT. 

What words can I use to describe my mother, the one woman who has loved me unconditionally since birth...Strong. Graceful. Honest. Pancakes. Caring. Windsurfing. Firm. Morkels. Integrity. Loving. Leader. Gentle. Courageous. Soft. Resolute. I'll be here all day describing you. All I know is that you're beautiful. Inside and out. An inspiration to me. You always have been and you always will be; long into the afterlife.

I have some vivid memories and clear ones; all through out the years of growing up. Some funny ones, some scary ones, some sad ones, but mostly funny ones. 

I distinctly remember the taste of your pancakes. You always knew how to put a smile on my face - pancakes. As you grew older, the harder it became for you to bake them. I can still picture you sitting on a stool by the stove, pouring the batter in the pan, flipping them, sprinkling cinnamon and sugar and stacking them up in the warming draw. My record of 17 in a row still stands. You still make the most delicious pancakes. Ever.

When we lived in KWT, I still remember you and I sitting in the lounge of our duplex, and you were doing the times tables with me. You fought with me to turn off KTV and I argued that it wasn't a distraction. I was right on this occasion Mom, as my maths marks were always good. Yay for KTV!! 

I remember you going out late at night, still in KWT, because your store's alarm went off. I never understood the gravity of your bravery at the time. You had a torch and the store keys, venturing to into the heart of KWT's CBD with a security alarm company guy, hoping the intruders don't see you before you see them. If I think of those times now I can only say "Flip Mom, were you freaking mad??" But no, you weren't mad. You had a job. And looking after your stores was part of it. And you were always up for the challenges. The bravest and most courageous woman I know. 

You broke into the world of management in Morkels. A fraternity that belonged to white Afrikaans men. And here you were, a woman. You never seemed to be scared or intimidated; even though I'm sure you were deep down, but you never showed it. Strength and a sharp tongue was always one of your strengths. You became Arthur Flemicks' bazooka in  lot of regions. He knew you were a force to be reckoned with and so did your staff. I remember the respect you commanded from your staff - Noleen, Antoinette, Wilson....many of them were success stories because of how you believed in them, trained them and released them. It was no wonder that you, my Mom, was the first woman in the history of the Morkels company to win the annual prestigious Chairman's Award. There was an air of fear that carried when you visited your stores - not a scared fear, but a respectful "Oh shit, here she comes." Mom, did you ever see The Devil wears Prada with Meryl Streep playing the editor of a top magazine?? Watch the movie and you'll have an idea of the respect you commanded. You had this amazing ability to be firm and strong with your staff, while at the same time able to sympathize with them and understand them. That's what made you a GREAT leader. Inel and I both have that quality too Mom.

Coming from a sexually and physically abusive childhood, orphaned while still a toddler and adopted at a young age, you could have easily turned into a bitter, vengeful, nasty person who thought the world owed her something. But I never saw that. You were always prepared to work hard. You knew the value of treating people well; all people, not just the people who were good to you. You were a perfectionist, sometimes painfully so. But I saw the value in it - if I had the ability to do something well and right, then I should do it right and do it well. You drilled this mindset into me. Thank you. You even taught me to pray. I remember the one time my room was so untidy, you came in and said 'You better pray this room is clean by the time I come back.' You taught me to appreciate what I had. You bought me this mini hifi, 3 disc cd changer, once. I remember how I guarded this thing with my life. You taught me to never take things for granted and I suppose that why today I'm able work hard for the things in my life and really Appreciate them. I suppose if I was rich and everything was given to me without the sacrifice required I wouldn't have this quality. Thank you Mom.

You are an amazing woman. You always have been. Always game for a laugh, not afraid to laugh at yourself......or me :-) I will love you forever.

Your son

Ross

An Addict's Addiction

Their palms sweat. Their heartbeat rises. Sometimes their body shakes. And sometimes they perspire. "Should I? Or shouldn't I?? I don't want too. I want to not want it." they scream to themselves. Inwardly of course. It's the invisible battle. The one no one ever sees. Not their family. Not their friends. And most times, not even their spouse. Some days they're fine and have 'it' under control. Other days they could literally go mad with the craving. It tears them up inside.

If you've ever spoken to an addict. Or maybe you are one. You know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. At times you've tried to stop. You really have. But then in a few days you start up again. The cycle continues, and you're oblivious on how to stop it once and for all. Cocaine. Cigarettes. Panado. Spirits. Hustler. Heroin. Blackjack. Weed. Internet porn. Slot machine. Coffee. Beer. They say 82% of all people in the western world are addicted to something detrimental. And only 14% of those ever come to a place where they able to stop it, silence it and win. The others never know what it's like to be free.

I was an addict once. I tried all the formulas. I read books. I cried. I prayed. I read some more. And I prayed some more. For over 17 years. And then...one day...it clicked. It's like a light switched on in my heart. Not my head. My heart. I finally came to a place of believing. And it was simple, but yet totally profound, life changing...and....addiction ending. The light was this: I finally believed who I was and what had been done for me. I was no longer an addict. And my addiction no longer had power over me. I was God's son, I was made right with God by no effort on my own. And His Son had broken the power of my addiction. It no longer had power over me. I had to believe. and i did. I came to place of believing. 

Today I'm free. I'm experiencing and living out now what I believed back then. I'm not an addict and that addiction has no power over me. I'm still vulnerable. But not controlled. I can still fall. But it's power over me is broken. 

If you're an addict...know one thing. Freedom is real. It's not a pipe dream. It's not a mirage. It's indeed possible. Read the books and even pray if you like. But if you must do one thing, do this: Believe. In your heart believe. Jesus, in fact, did break sin's power over mankind and reconciled us with God. Believe it.

Freedom to you.

My conversation with a passionate atheist

I recently had some sushi with a friend of mine. He's an atheist. A vocal one. We have a great relationship in that we both are passionate lovers of life and never back down on what we believe. We both possess the ability to argue well and make our points sound like the right ones. BUT we also have the ability to agree to disagree on tough issues without them effecting our friendship. Hard to find that nowadays. And so...we had one of those conversations. Last week.

One out of three times, at our regular 'get togethers', we always end up chatting about the possibilities of life after death and God (or in his case 'god'). And so this last time it was one of those 'get togethers'. We chatted about religion, Christianity and God. As much as I try and persuade him with some really intellectual 'fact', nothing seems to move him. I share my own testimony of how Jesus found me, how Jesus changed my life and given me life. I tell of the miracles I've seen and the healings I have witnessed. I share scripture from the Bible. I plead my case in loving and gentle ways every time we get onto these topics and yet there is always this imaginary wall that my words bounce off, right back to me. I can sell just about anything to anyone, but somehow to one of my dearest friends, I can't seem to influence him to follow my best friend and Heavenly Father. No matter now sincerely I try.

But then...this last time, something happened. I sensed a crack in that wall. It may just be a slight one, but a crack nonetheless. I was straight and firm with him. "Dude, think about it." I said. "The very fact that I am sharing this with you, must show you my love for you. I'm like a guy who was trapped on the top floor of a burning building. I found the way out. I ran down and got free. I look up and see my friends and family in that same building, engulfed in flames, and I know I need to shout out to them the way out. I may be a lunatic and I may be coo-coo in my head. But the fact is, I believe this stuff with all my heart. I believe that one day we all will die. I believe that there will be a judgement before God. And only those who have received Jesus, follow Jesus and believe in Jesus will go to heaven. Hell will be real for many well intentioned good people who rejected God. The fact I'm sharing this with you must show you that you're important to me and that I love you enough to show you the way out. There is an escape route and its not in you trying to live a good life or being religious. It's you believing in a savior." 

His eyes flinched and his whole countenance changed as he soaked up my words. He could see I wasn't trying to 'sign' him up to my country club i.e. get him to be a member at a church or convert him to some religious unpractical practice. But that I was really trying to share an escape route from an eventual fiery hell.

No, he never fell to his knees and cried out to God to save him. He never collapsed in repentance and asked Jesus to remove his sins. I wish he had. But that didn't happen. He finished his drink. He smiled. And he said 'Are you paying or is it my turn?' as he gestured for the waitress to bring the bill. He never said anything then or since. But I know something happened. I saw the wince. I saw his eyes. The wall cracked for sure. 

My mandate from my Father is to love. Love ecstatically. Love without measure. Love till I can't love any more. Converting is HIS job. Mine is to love. And so I do. Everyone as much as I can. Just love. Changing hearts and convincing people of Gods love and existence is God's part. And I'm not about to take over His job. 

How's your loving going???

Man of Steel

Superman. There's no other superhero boys desire more to be when growing up. 'It’s a bird, it's a plane. No, it's Superman!' Music to any small kid's ears while day dreaming of America's oldest comic book hero.

I grew up watching Christopher Reeve's 1980 classic Superman: The movie. My dad introduced the flying capped superhero to me when I was 3 years old. By 4 I knew all the words to the important bits of the movie. By 5 I had my own suit: red cape and yellow undies. So, with Hollywood's Superman reboot coming up in a few day’s time, Man of Steel, I thought I would share my story:

My mom was so cool, when I was 5, I had both Spider-man and Superman costumes. One day I decided to take them with me to pre-school in Port Elizabeth. I packed each one into a yellow Checkers packet. As soon as I arrived I asked my best friend who'd he'd like to be. Just think, two normal boys, two nobodies - instantly transformed into two superheroes! This is what it was all about. Surely! My friend chose Spider-man. We changed in the bathroom at break time. As soon as we were kitted out, we ran screaming out into the yard, with great yells of excitement, ready to defend whoever needed our help. You never quite know what baddies could get up to in our playground forts and hide outs. We were ready for anything! Jason began jumping from tyre to tyre and then climbed a net that hung from a large jungle gym - showing off his Spider-man abilities. Most of the kids were caught up in the fanfare of it all. Some clapped for us. Others ran away. We didn’t care, the adrenaline rush was awesome!

It didn’t take long to realize that my friend Spidey was getting all the attention. "What exactly can Superman do, while Spider-man memorizes everyone with his rope climbing?" A thought popped into my head. It was simple. What does Superman do which no other superhero can do? Fly. I eyed out the highest point possible, the play ground's 50 step slide. Once you’ve climbed 50 steps, you are a long way from mother earth. It took an age to climb to the top. Why not? I had the suit on. I had the cape. When Clark Kent dons the suit, he can fly! So why not I? I climbed the slide, step by step, fearless as Superman himself! I was about to do what no 5 year old had ever done...fly. I reached my summit and called out to my peers in the playground "Hey, look at me." With that I stretched out my left arm, in perfect flying poise. And I took the leap, fulfilling my childhood dream, and launched. And I flew. Straight to the ground. From what I was told, I didn't fly. Well, not for long. I hit the ground hard. A teacher came running. My parents got the call and I landed up in St George’s hospital. I stayed there for two weeks with concussion and internal bleeding. Not quite what I had in mind when I took the leap!

As for my suit…who knows where that went? My mom probably had something to do with that.

I must admit, some 30 years later, I still catch myself dreaming that same dream: flying like my superhero, Superman. I wasn't the first kid who thought he could fly. I’m sure I won't be the last. 

Money is tight!

It's tough people!! I'm sure I don't have to tell YOU that. But it's funny how we sometimes think it's only us that's feeling the financial pinch, when in fact, everyone is. Your friends. Your neighbour. Your drinking buddy. That rude oke at work. We're all feeling the pinch and have been for the past 12 months. Hardly anyone is receiving any salary increases at work and yet monthly expenses are rising fast. I must admit, financially - things are tough, and living within your means is a lot harder than it sounds. 

My wife and I really do try. But then the car steering wheel gave problems - R3,100. Then the gear box packed up - R11,800. Then the licences' expired - R740. Then a SARS payment - R7,200. Electricity has gone up monumentally! Petrol has shot up by 40% over the past 4 years....and it's still rising. With the exchange rate shooting up over R10 to the US dollar, our petrol is going to jump even higher and will hit the R13.00 a litre hurdle in the next few days, which in turn will raise the prices of our food. I don't mean to be funny, but a loaf of bread, a 2lt Milk, some vegetables, some mince and 2 minute Noodles came to over R120 the other night!

Think about that for a moment. If you have 2 kids like we do, a 2lt Milk and a loaf of bread only lasts 2 days. Those two items cost R17.99 and R11.99 respectively. Our family is spending R450 a month on milk and bread. That's without putting anything on the bread yet! A jar of peanut butter and margarine will set you back a further R60. I could literally go on and on....!! Luxury items like a TEX or a packet of CHEESE CURLS are further and further away...It's tough people. It's really tough.

I did something naughty the other day. I was behind a 45 year old guy at the ATM. He finished drawing money and walked off. He left his slip behind. I glanced at it and almost fell over. He withdrew R300. He was withdrawing it from his credit card account with was R135,000 IN THE RED!!. And I thought I had problems. I turned back to take a look at this guy, but it was too late. He had climbed into his white BMW, a 2010 model I think, and drove off. 

Don't fool yourselves either - those that look like they haven't got problems because they still buying clothes, driving smart cars and eating out - the majority is on credit. They spending the bank's money. They just not sure how to curve their lifestyles to within their budgets. Did you know that58% of people are in over 3 months arrears with at least one account. That's scary!  

I don't see the pinch ending any time soon. It's tough and it seems to be getting tougher. I just keep reminding myself and my wife that we need to stay on top of things - don't spend more than what we earn, live within our means and be very wise with our spending - when the car breaks and other things come up which we can't control - it's in those times where we trust the Lord even more. I can't imagine anything changing unless He changes it. Because  right now it's seriously pear-shaped!

The "Get Rich" Gospel....where can I throw up?

The Prosperity Gospel has got to be one of the top 3 in Christianity's Worst Contributions to the World. To put it in a word: Disgusting. Sick. Vomit. Awful. (Sorry, couldn't make my mind up on the most appropriate one.) Now before you stone me, let me tell you why this false gospel is one of the biggest embarrassments to the Church of Jesus Christ.

"God doesn't want you to drive a Volkswagen. God doesn't want you to settle with a one bedroom apartment. He has so much more for you."

"I have been blessed with enough money...you don't understand, I just bought a ring, this one I'm wearing, for $12,000. My wife's dog back home is worth $35,000. And when people drive past my mansion and see my Rolls Royce in the driveway, they know there is a God in heaven."

"And if you sow a $1000 seed right now, God is going to do something extraordinary in your life this year of 2012. God is going to cancel your debt, he's going to open doors to such wealth and blessing that you won't have enough room to contain it. Just go ahead and sow your seed to unlock God's favor over your life this year."

I don't even have to make this stuff up. It makes me want to get sick when I read these quotes made in the name of Jesus and to think what people, who are desperate to get out of their tough financial situations, will do. They will continue to struggle and wonder why God isn't blessing them with debt cancellation while the 'man of God' buys another ring, dog, mansion or Rolls Royce.

The message is the same "Give so that you will get." It's an investor's dream investment scheme. You tell investor that he can get 30 times, 60 times or even 100 times what he puts in....and he'll be busting down the door to throw his money at it. I mean, who wouldn't?? Only a total idiot wouldn't. The only problem is that even idiots know a pyramid scheme when they hear one. You might get caught once and lose some money, but never again.

But these Prosperity Preachers have been going at it for over 40 years now, and people are still falling for these lies. And before you accuse me of pointing the finger, I admit, I was one of them. I was 17 when I began watching the programs of Kenneth Hagin, Creflo Dollar, Kenneth Hagin and Benny Hinn. I was caught up in this stuff for about 6 years. I saw with my own eyes how families got poorer and struggled even more with unpaid bills because out of blind faith they gave their rent money and kid's school fees to the 'man of God' who demanded they sow above their means in order to see God do a miracle..

Give more and you'll get more. You can have your heart's desires. God wants you to be blessed. He wants you to be rich. He wants you to have the best of everything. Give, give, give.....and you will reap a harvest of wealth, a good measure, pressed down, shaken and running over. It's funny, but when I study the scriptures, I see a different picture altogether preached to the New Testament believer:

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world-the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life-is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." - 1John 2:15-17

It cannot be clearer than that. The very thing these 'men of God' are telling me to desire is the very thing scripture is telling me to turn away from. It's a sad, sick and embarressing gospel that is being allowed to masquerade as the true gospel of Jesus. It has caused pain, lack and disillusionment in many believers who truly love Jesus but can't understand why He doesn't take their credit card debt away when they give their $1000.

I thank God that he is faithful and has delivered me from that satanic message that was fueled by greed and world desires. I believe that my God looks after me because I'm a son of His, and not because I gave my rent money to the church. I give where he tells me, often to my local church, the place where I and my family are connected, with the motivation to see our community make a difference in our city to reach the lost. I give out of love, not out of a promise of a harvest. Have I seen financial miracles in my life?? TOO MANY TO COUNT. Have they been a result of my giving? Who knows, maybe. Maybe not. The point is, my faith for having my needs (not greedy) met lie in the love of God towards me and in Him seeing me as His son. He takes care of His kids. My faith doesn't lie in how much I give when the offering basket comes around.

I hope that in the coming years, the church will rise up as one, and flush this sadistic gospel down the toilet because that is the only place where crap really belongs. 

Far better being His son

"A servant does not abide in the house forever, but a son does abide forever." - John 8:35

Think about that for a moment. Put a story together in your mind about how that would look. A servant / slave / maid doesn't stay in the master's house forever, but a son does. Let me put something out for you...

Suppose a multi billionaire has a servant that cleans the home, runs after the family and serves in whichever way is required. He is an employee and as employee, receives a wage for the work he does. He may even have a bonus scheme worked into his package. No matter how well this servant treats the master billionaire, runs after his wife and cleans up after their son; a time comes where at the end of the day he has to leave. He retires to the his servant quarters. He may receive his bonus and maybe even a meal. But he still has to leave.

Lets say that same billionaire has a son who's as lazy as hell, doesn't bother to work, sleeps until 10 am, hasn't the foggiest idea how to tidy up after himself and sucks whatever he can get out of his father's wealth in order to support his cravings for gadgets, computers and the like. This son may be the laziest, most ungrateful kid in the land, but he stays with his father. His poor performance doesn't change the fact that he's still the son of a billionaire. His father still welcomes him at the dinner table, to his private bedroom for chats as they lie on the bed, his father is still willing to pay for his son's studies at any learning institution in the world. No amount of laziness, lack of gratitude or bad performance could ever kick the son out of the billionaire's house. It was his father's home.

In the story, no matter how well the servant treats his master and performs in his job; he's still the servant and he has no permanent place in the father's home. No matter how well he performs, he'll never be welcome at the father's table, into his room or more importantly, into his heart. The best he'll get is a 13th cheque and a pat on the back. He's a servant. He works hard, he does his job to the best of his ability because he works for a wage. At the end of the day he has to leave.

The son however, never has to fear being thrown out or scared about being disowned. His bad behavior can never un-make his sonship. He never earned his sonship through good behavior in the past. He was born to the billionaire. He was born into intimacy. No matter what he does, there is always place at his day's table or besides him in his bed and most definitely in his father's heart. He's a son. Forever and ever. A son.

"A servant does not abide in the house forever, but a son does abide forever." - John 8:35